


Nicotine

by SlySkySeamen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Blond!Levi, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Eren is a legal adult, Fingering, Hurt/Comfort, LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA, Levi's POV, M/M, Nicotine - Panic!At the Disco, One Shot, Or Is It?, Piercings!Levi, Rough Sex, Smut, Song fic, Top!Levi, Unrequited Love, bottom!Eren, not so rough tho, this came alive and wrote itself, very explicit, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:11:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlySkySeamen/pseuds/SlySkySeamen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here I go again. I know this is not healthy. I know that it’s best to just stop this. But I can’t, I can’t will myself to stop something that feels so good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicotine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Hi guys. This is the first fic I post in this site. I made this for Levi's Birthday and as a X-mas present for a good friend of mine. I used the song Nicotine by Panic!At the Disco to write this fic and I recommend you at least hear the song before reading so that you have a beat on your mind for everytime you read the lyrics of the song. You don't really need to do it, but I think it would make the ride more enjoyable. This fic came to life, ok? I wasn't expecting it to go that way at all, but I feel satisfied with it.If you read the tags, yes. Levi is blonde. And Levi is a bit OOC. Keep in mind that people break after a while and they just become a mess. Well, no more ramblings, please enjoy. ^^

Here I go again. I know this is not healthy. I know that it’s best to just stop this. But I can’t, I can’t will myself to stop something that feels so good. I crave him too much. His soft hair becoming a mess. His big, vibrant green eyes looking at me, pleadingly. His hands grabbing at everything desperately and occasionally pulling  on my hair or scratching my back. His needy moans and breathy pleads for more. He means everything to me but I mean nothing to him. He has my heart in his possession but his heart belongs to someone else. It hurts, a lot, but I can’t just let him go away.

 

_Cross my heart and hope to die_

 

Seeing the one you love going after another, is hard, you know? The heart is a weird thing. Everytime I see him pay attention to that married man, jealousy fills me in the worst way. Anger rises inside of me, makes me destructive. Why can’t he see that I can give him more? That man is married, has kids and can never love him the way I do. Yeah, he’s taller than me and maybe a bit more handsome, if you don’t mind his eyebrows. But otherwise, I have almost his looks. Blond, almost golden locks. Blue eyes, kinda greyish. Toned body in just the right way. A stable job and money to spare. Why can’t he choose me?

 

_Burn my lungs and curse my eyes_

 

It’s so frustrating. It drives me crazy, insane. On the nights that it gets unbearable, I go to bars, drink myself to half death, and beat up some dudes just to vent a bit. Others nights I go to some stupid gang’s territory and beat them up. It works, but only while the adrenaline is there. I used to have long hair, you know? But one day I took the stupid and foolish decision to cut my hair the same way as that bastard Erwin.

 

_I’ve lost control and I don’t want it back_

 

I didn’t expect his reaction. He got mad at me. Told me that I would never be as good as Erwin. I didn’t care, I just fucked him harder. After that incident, I cried. A lot. I’m not one to cry but hearing those words come out of his mouth hurt more than I ever imagined. After a while, I got used to him not responding to me. In the beginning, I would always try to kiss him but he wouldn’t let me. He said that kisses are only for couples, I still tried the best I could to at least steal one kiss but now I don’t even try. I push myself to not care when in reality, I’ve grown used to being just a tool.

 

_I’m going numb, I’ve been hijacked_

_It’s a fucking drag_

 

He’s in my house again. Sprawled on my bed panting from all grinding we did on the door. I climb on top of him, I look into his eyes. He knows I love him, my eyes tell no lies, so he looks away. I place my hand on his cheek, slide it upwards and move his hair out of his forehead. I feel the need to kiss him so I tug on his hair and bite his neck instead. He moans, his delicious voice brings more blood to my cock. I go up a bit, lick his earlobe and blow on it softly. He shivers and I bite his neck again, he pants this time. I go lower, I make a trail from his neck to his nipple with my tongue. I suck on one nipple while I twist the other in between my thumb and forefinger. This time he moans my name. My pants get painfully tight but I tend to his erection instead. I undo his pants and palm him through his underwear. He hisses and I just want to hear his voice. I take off his underwear and wrap his dick with my hand. I look at him again, I take in his flushed face, his watery eyes. He silently pleads me to do something and I oblige. I kiss the underside of his head and lick the tip. He gasps but I want to hear his voice. I take his head in my mouth and swallow. He finally moans again and I can’t take it anymore. I undo my pants with only one hand, never stopping my work, and take my cock out. I sigh in relief and take him even deeper. He groans and I feel the first drop of precum on my tongue.

 

_I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you_

 

I take him as deep as I can and swallow. I feel his hand on my hair, he tugs on it and I understand the command. I start and faster pace and play with his balls. He moans, gasps, calls my name, pants. He starts tensing and calls my name in warning. I deepthroat him and swallow twice. His dick pulses and I pull back a bit. He moans loudly and that alone brought me almost to the edge. I know he likes to see his cum land in my mouth so I do my best to get each shot in my mouth. After I know he saw what he wanted, I swallow and then lick him greedily, cleaning him up. I sit up and admire him. His face is flushed, his eyes closed, he pants frantically, his skin is shining with sweat. I give him a minute to recover and go over to my nightstand to get the lube and condoms. I open the bottle to pour some lube on my fingers but he stops me. He pushes me until I’m laying on my back. His hands caress my torso and he kisses my neck. He bites in that same spot, licks it and then kisses it again. The action makes my heart clench. He wastes no more time and goes straight to my cock. He sets a fast pace immediately. I can feel his desperation.

 

_So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do_

 

I grab his shoulders and push him, at this pace I wouldn’t last long and that wasn’t the plan. I switch our positions and ask him how he wants it. He says no condom and I nod, pouring some lube on my fingers. I tease his entrance, making it wet for less discomfort. I go back to his neck and stick to biting and licking while gently pushing my finger past his entrance. He sighs and I move my finger around. I twist and thrust it until he starts pushing against my finger. I push in a second one and he groans. I scissor them, twist and thrust them until I find his prostate. He shivers and moans so I tease his prostate a bit more. I stick in a third finger. He moans again and I go straight for his prostate, wanting to hear more of that voice. He tells me he needs my cock. I take my finger out of him, relishing on his little moan of protest. I coat myself with lube and tease his entrance for a moment. I start pushing, letting out a groan when the head got in and letting out a low moan when I got in completely. He pants harshly, getting used to being so full. He moves his hips a bit and I start a slow pace. He moans and asks for more, faster. I oblige, finding his prostate and pounding into it. He becomes a moaning mess. I make him a moaning mess. He moans my name. I want to hear it more. I need to hear him say my name. I may not have his heart but I pleasure him until he only thinks of me. I get possessive, I get aggressive. I pound into him the hardest and fastest I can. All he moans is my name. Hearing his voice call my name is the only thing keeping me sane.

 

_Yeah, you’re worse than nicotine, nicotine_

 

I wake up alone. I look around but the only proof of the long night we had is my naked body and the smell of sex. I try to distract myself, not concentrate on how alone I am. But it hurts, it hurts so bad.  I feel my eyes water. But I hold it. I can’t let my pride get any lower. But it hurts so much, the clenching in my chest is unbearable. This always happens. It’s just sex, he’s gone by morning. I know how unbearable this gets everytime but I can’t deny him when he touches me, provokes me. I know I should get away. I can easily get away from this city, even go to another country. But I know it would be worse to not have him at all. The thought alone makes me want to die. Or maybe I could just ignore him, try to maintain a friendship. No. I crave him too much. I’m addicted already.

 

_It’s better to burn than to fade away_

 

They say that addiction is actually a sickness, weak of mind. What if I try my best to overcome it? My job offered me a transfer. Maybe I can find a distraction. A hobby, a pet, a person. I clear my head a bit, concentrate on my already developed OCD. I clean the room, change the sheets, light up a candle to tame the chemical smell a bit. I take a shower, fix my hair in the mirror. Jealousy makes itself known, my hair being a constant reminder of my desperation, my predicament. I will it all away, focus on getting dressed and go to the bar. I need a break from all this, it’s gonna drive me insane. I’m not in the mood for food so I skip it altogether. I only need alcohol in my body right now. I lock my apartment, make my way to the bar. I arrive at the bar, my old friend greets me and starts making my favorite mix. I sit at a stool and appreciate her understanding silence, my mind  going back to the idea of getting away. Maybe I should really leave, save what little pride and decency I have left. I look to the other end of the bar, my eyes widen. There he is, getting kissed by Erwin. I thought Erwin was better than that, mostly jealousy sticks to my thoughts. Well, he finally got what he wanted. I guess he doesn’t have any reason to come back to me now. I feel the pain in my chest, so harsh that I actually clutch my shirt. I leave the money on the counter and walk away. I hear my friend’s protests but I don’t answer. I go back to my house, arrive and close the door behind me. I’m so hurt, so sad. But I cover it up with anger. I feel tears down my face. I’m such a weakling, I cry about everything. I’m so pathetic. I punch the floor, hard. I do it again, the pain on my knuckles sickly satisfying. I feel the wetness, but I keep going. This is it. I’m gonna call my boss, tell him I accept the transfer. I need to start packing.

 

_It’s better to leave than to be replaced_

 

I stand up, hand forgotten. I make my way to the bathroom, wash my face and try to calm down. My hand stings and I finally take a look. My knuckles are bloody but I have no fractures. I bandage my hand. I take out my phone, I have a text message. It’s from him. The ache comes back. I open it and a flicker of hope attacks my being. He asks if I’m busy, if I’m alone. I can’t stop myself, I answer honestly. He answers, says he’ll be here in about 15 minutes. I look at my bloody hand and sigh. I don’t care anymore. This is the last time I’ll see him. I’ll please him in every way I can and just leave. Leave and hope that I can forget him.

 

_I’m losing to you, baby, I’m no match_

_I’m going numb, I’ve been hijacked_

_It’s a fucking drag_

 

I make some tea. Does he know that I love tea? Probably not. We barely know each other. I only know his name. Eren. I don’t know where he lives, his age, his last name. It’s funny how stupid this is. I fell in love with someone I barely know. Someone that uses me to vent his frustration about what was an unrequited love. He probably comes to tell me to not talk to him anymore and I’m here hoping for some sex. I’m hopeless. I’m about to pour myself a second cup, a soft knocking alerts me of his arrival. I go to open the door, give him a glance and turn around. He comments that it smells like tea. I nod. He asks if there’s some left. My heart jolts but I only nod and pour him a cup. He drinks it like me, no sweetener, no milk. My chest tightens, but there’s no pain. No, I can’t get hopeful. This is gonna be the last interaction we have. He finishes his tea, he looks at me. He places the cup on the table, he locks his gaze on the cup, tells me he talked with Erwin. The pain is back. I grunt in response, urging him to go on. He doesn’t go on. He looks up, straight into my eyes. He covers my mouth with his hand and kisses it. I close my eyes and lick his hand, fuck how unhygienic it is. He pulls away but his hand stays put. I grab it with both my hands, look him in the eye while I give a soft kiss to his palm, hoping the message gets across. He looks at me with a bit of confusion and then his eyes got a bit watery. He asks me if he can take charge, I won’t deny him anything so I nod and let him push me down on the sofa.

 

_I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you_

_So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do_

_Yeah, you’re worse than nicotine, nicotine_

 

He towers over me, looks me up and down. He nuzzles my neck, kisses it, tenderly. My heart is pounding, he’s never been slow. Sex with him would always be rough but now I don’t know how to react to such tenderness. He takes off my shirt, slides his hands down my torso, caressing it. The way he looks at me makes me nervous. It’s never been like this, but it’s been decided. I won’t let any hope tie me back. He kisses my collarbones, his hands resting on my lap, lightly palming me through the clothes. He brings a hand to my face, caresses my cheek and then runs his finger through my golden hair. I close my eyes at the feeling, it’s relaxing but still arouses me. He kneels in front of me, he takes off the rest of my clothes. I’m naked, completely at his mercy.

 

_Just one more head and then we’re through_

 

He wraps his hand around my dick, strokes softly, slowly. I sigh at the feeling. He kisses the inside of my thighs and squeezes my cock a bit more. He makes eye contact with me again. Something in his eyes makes me hopeful but I won’t let my resolve break. I can’t keep this going for long. My heart won’t last.

 

_‘Cause you could never love me back_

 

He blows air on the underside of the head, I shiver. He licks from the base to the head and then kisses the tip. I should be annoyed at how slow he’s going but it just makes me feel so different. I’m confused but I let the pleasure take that confusion away. He sucks on the head and bobs his head only a bit. My breath gets heavy. He keeps bobbing his head, taking more and more of my length until he’s almost deepthroating me. I groan and place my hand on his head. His hair so soft that I don’t dare to pull on it. He pulls off with a popping sound, he looks at me again. I don’t want my resolve to shatter, but that look. It draws me in, gives me hope.

 

_Cut every tie I have to you_

 

He pumps my cock with a bit more force, same pace. He kisses my pelvis and keeps going until he reaches my navel. He plays with the piercing a bit and then pulls back, kissing my thighs again. He plays a bit with my balls. He comes back up, gets close to my ear and asks me how I feel with a low voice. I shiver, his warm breath glorious on my kind of sweaty skin. I tell him not bad, he smirks and my heart skips a beat. This playful side of him makes me lose my head. I don’t think my heart can take leaving him either. I feel my resolve begin to crack.

 

_‘Cause your love’s a fucking drag_

 

He bites my earlobe, hard. I hiss and he kisses it. He kneels again, deepthroating me without a warning. I gasp and grab the sofa, hard. He swallows and I moan. He starts bobbing his head with a steady rhythm and I start panting. Some moans and grunts escape me. He moans in response and the vibrations are glorious. I call his name. He makes eye contact again. Those eyes. I can’t imagine a life without those eyes. I need him. My resolve is shattering.

 

_But I need it so bad_

 

He closes his eyes and keeps going, speeding up a bit. He lets out moans and I join him with some of my own. He’s doing everything that drives me crazy, pushing all my buttons at the same time. I feel the end is near. I try to warn him but he just deepthroats me and holds there swallowing as many times as he can, as hard as he can. I look at him, the tears forming on his closed eyes, his face flushed from exertion, his hair a mess ‘cause of my hand. I go over the edge. I tense and gasp, my cum going directly into his throat. I relish in the spasms and then let the afterglow take over. I feel him slowly pull off, sucking me clean the best he can without abusing my oversensitive member. My eyes are closed, but I can hear him walk away. My chest tightens, there’s that terrible pain again.

 

_Your love’s a fucking drag_

 

I wait for the sound of a door opening and closing but it never comes. I hear water running, he’s washing his mouth. Why? The water is turned off and I hear footstep closing in. I open my eyes and I see him looking at me with that look again. Am I delusional? I can almost grasp what it is but I just refuse to believe it. Is it really longing? What can he long for? He did what he wanted, I didn’t move a muscle against his actions. He sits on top of me, never breaking eye contact. He leans in and bumps his forehead with mine. I’m frozen in place, I know what he’s gonna do. I just can’t believe it. I’ve waited so long. I never thought it would even happen.

 

_But I need it so bad_

 

He kisses me. I’m in shock. His lips start moving and I respond. It’s sweet, soft, gentle, full of meaning. His lips are the velvet I always imagined. I lick his lower lip and he grants me permission. Our tongues collide. I take over the kiss and explore his mouth, touching his tongue with mine as much as I can, the sensation addicting. It starts getting hard to breathe but I don’t want to stop. I reluctantly break off the kiss, biting his bottom lip before pulling away. I look at him, his blush is adorable and his panting gives me satisfaction. I can’t really hold back so I give him a another kiss, a chaste, innocent one on the lips. He leans against me, loosely hugging my waist, burying his face on my chest. He apologizes, tells me it was unfair, that he finally got Erwin in his hands but it just didn’t feel right. He told me that he only felt right with me. He told me that he didn’t notice when, but he fell in love with me. I hug him tightly. I feel tears flowing down my cheeks even through my closed eyes. I feel myself shaking. My heart is beating so hard, so fast. I never thought it would end up like this. Pride be damned, I let sobs escape. I kiss the top of his head and tell him that I love him too, more than he can ever imagine.

 

_Yeah, you’re worse than nicotine, nicotine_

 

He gets close to my ear and whispers, he’s addicted to me too. I knew I couldn’t live without him.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you guys think? I have no beta so I edited it myself. If you see any mistakes, please feel free to point them out and I'll fix them as soon as I can. Yes, I know that some sentences sound incomplete but that's how Levi's mind works after so much waiting and pain and suffering and...he's just a mess, ok? xD Anyways, I may or may not make a multi-chapter fic out of this. I would like to give a more inside view of how Eren thinks and feels and stuff like that. Keep in mind that I'm not making any promises. If you guys have any promps or just weird things that you would like to read, feel free to talk to me about it. I like making uncomun things like Blond!Levi. I also wanna try to make Levicest but that may take a while. But yeah, feel free to suggest modificated Eren or Levi (no gerderbend or mpreg plz) or some kinks (not too nasty plz). Well, Imma stop here cuz otherwise this would be too long. Bye Bye! Take care! And see you next time!~


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